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-LJ

12 April 2017

In That Moment

In that moment,
time seemed to slow down.
In that moment,
tangled up in each other,
we found great sensation
in the way our barest skin
kept us warm,
and in the way

 the single touch
of a finger
exhilarated us.

In that moment,
time seemed to stop.
In that moment,
embraced in each other's arms,
we found great peace
in the way the cool, Spring air
kept us frozen,
and in the way

the single touch

of a finger

calmed us.

-LJ

27 July 2016 & 9 April 2017

In Your Slumber

I wonder if, in your slumber, you can feel me gently rocking you back and forth, as my hand strokes your hair and moves it from your sleepy face.  If you could, would you push away?  I hope you wouldn't, but I know you don't like being held too tightly. 

Could you hear the silence?  If not silence, could you hear the steady beat of my heart, or the soft humming of a lullaby?  I know you love my little lullabies; I know how much they calm you.  I wonder what it is you're hearing right now.  If nothing, does it sound as painful as that feels?

I wonder if you feel the frigid air.  If not frigid air, do you feel warmth?  You're under a lot of blankets, but it's because you get so cold that you're wearing two layers of clothing in this fifty-degree weather. Are your feet warm? I wonder if your feet are warm.  I won't check, in fear I might wake you.

Perhaps, maybe it's warmth you feel. Perhaps, it's my arms around you.
Perhaps, maybe it's music you hear. If not music, then what is the soundtrack to your dream? 

-LJ
22 November 2016

Saturday Morning

 "Saturday Morning" [315 words]
[short story/prose]
[Trigger Warning: Depression]
[I was a little hesitant about posting
this one, but I'm going to post it anyway]


~ ~ ~

Morning of
Saturday, 4 February 2017:

I sat in the middle of my bedroom floor; eyes wide, red, and brimming with tears. I sat there, with you sitting right across from me, and I wondered why you had come once more.
Sometimes, you told me, there doesn't have to be a reason.  There didn't have to be a reason for sleeping seventeen hours and not eating for almost (and sometimes over) twenty-four. You managed to convince me to spend days and nights in your arms, while you took my thoughts and my fingers and defiled me with my own devices.

I sat in the middle of the floor, looking at the world a little differently than I had just hours before this moment.  I realized I would never be able to come to terms with the reality that there was a name for you and an ever-changing face for you and, even though they love me, you convinced me that they would never listen or even begin to understand.

I sat there, with you, that morning.  You hissed in my ear in the voices that loved me, and I internally screamed at you.  I trembled and screamed out loud the final time.  Yet, you managed to convince me that all they heard was an unnecessary breakdown.  You used the same voice to tell me to stop crying.  I punched you, both fists, to your legs, so that you would go away, but you had already gone, and I had hurt myself.

Where had you gone?  You were laying on the bed, in the same big-spoon/little-spoon position, wanting me to come lay with you so that I could sleep more than I was awake. 

"Shut the fuck up!" I had screamed at you before.

But now, I said to you, in a hushed whisper I made sure only you could hear, "Make everything go away."

-lj
24 February 2017