To The Night

She'd confess her feelings to the night,
pretending it was the embodiment
of the one she hoped to call her own.
Curled up into her sheets,
she allowed herself the comfort and security
of imagining his arms around her,
his breath in her hair,
his chuckles escaping the sweetest lips
as she would softly babble in her sleep.
She'd tell him one day, that when she retired,
she'd sleep with the night, nestled in his arms,
with a quilt of a starry sky, embroidered by the moon.
She'd wonder if this, his kindness, his acceptance,
his comfort, this... if this was love.

-lj
29 January 2018

 

If, Like Michael,

If, like Michael,

I ever found myself in need

of something to protect my lungs

from the polluted air around me,

and if, like Michael,

I ever found myself in need

of something to protect my innocence

from the tainted world that surrounds me,

I would, like Michael,

hide away in the only place

that was safe, sound, and clean,

away from the flashing lights and screams,

where only one could say they found me.

If, like Michael,

I ever sought my poems from the Heavens,

I ever sang and danced until I cried,

I ever lived in fear until I died;

I'd seek my solace in the sun and moon and clouds,

I'd climb up in the highest tree,

and ask my God and Michael to sit with me. 

-LJ

25 January 2018

Breathing

It was last night,

when I felt you holding me,

in the way I always loathed.

It was this morning,

when I felt suspended,

without breath, fully cloaked

in your "grace",
heart racing,
head shaking;

 you proclaimed:

"I am 

the one who takes

your life away.

I am 

the one who causes

your thoughts to stray.

If 

I hold you too tightly,

will you

still be with me?

If 

I hold you too tightly,

will you

still be breathing?

If you

 are not breathing,

then who

 is breathing for you?"

-lj

23 January 2018
(italicized/bold text penned by j.m.)

The Red Flags

[TW// depression]

The first red flag,

was that I stopped brushing my hair.

Instead of getting dressed for the day,

I'd get dressed for the night, slither under blankets,

to listen to cold voices in my ears will me

into a bliss I could not feel.

The second red flag,

was that I'd rather stay in bed.

Instead of the readiness to tackle the day,

I'd lay there while time crawled by

as quickly as a snail, knowing

I'd have to get up eventually.

The third red flag,

was that I could not focus. 

Instead of being on top of my game,

I'd ask you to repeat the question,

the direction, the instruction, the story,

and I would feel like I was incapable

of doing my job.

The final red flag

was that I wanted to disappear.

Instead of wanting to shine,

I'd want to play with the thoughts

that filled my head with "maybe things,

maybe things would be better 

if I weren't around."

-LJ

started: 29 November 
continued: 03 December 2017
completed: 1 January 2018

new years resolutions

to be kinder not only to myself,

but to every new friend I make,

to be kinder to those I already know,

and to those I know not as of yet,

to take better care of not only myself,

but to take care of those who seek comfort,

to take better care of my family,

and to help more of those in need,

to know it is okay to be myself,

but to make sure I do not hurt,

to know it is okay to be true to who you are,

and to help others see the same.

-LJ

1 January 2018